THE GREAT AMERICAN PUBLISHING SOCIETY
(GR.AM.P.S.)

presents

Lord » Byronic
.........................
Lord Byronic's
Sound Byte-Backs tm

(an unabashedly* liberal look at contemporary politics...
in Byronic* verse)

* (more or less)

Updated as often as the lords of whimsy strike us...

Check back often to peruse our muse....
or... better yet... to contribute your own Byronic commentary...

.

(click here to learn more about becoming "Lord Byron for a Day")


A Guest Columnist (Guest Byronicist?)
Comments on Congressional Attempts at Welfare Reform
from His Vantage Point of 100 Years Ago

``Rich men without convictions are more dangerous in modern society
than poor women without chastity.''

-- George Bernard Shaw


On Not Having Been Caught Committing Adultery
as the Primary Qualification for Higher Office
(in Civilian or Military Life, from B-52 Pilots to Generals)

© Spring 1997

When moralists pounce, like a wolf on the fold,
On Adulterers caught, as in Hawthorne of old,

Then I can't help wondering why those who rail about keeping big government out of our back pockets,
Shouldn't be equally vehement about keeping that government out of our front pockets.
Honor has its place; So does the ability to keep commitments.
But how much should loving "not wisely, but too well" between consenting adults count against us?

'Cause when an enemy shows up on our radar blips,
Do we want to be led by our best thinkers and leaders,
Or by persons whose primary qualification
Is that s/he [sic] kept his/her pants zipped?


On Political Contributions
(or "In Which Arena Is It Better To Receive than To Give...?")

© October 20, 1996

Bob Dole swooped down like a wolf on the fold
Crying, "Look! Bill Clinton takes lobbyist's gold!"
which he hoped would make his campaign soar like a rocket--but--
Say, Bob, who put the wad of cash in your pocket?


The Mis-Directors of the Fed

© 1995 , 1997 by The Great American Publishing Society

Al Greenspan swept in like the wolf on the fold,
Determined to save all the Fed Reserve's gold
And protect three-suited bankers all across the nation
From being devoured by raging inflation...

But to slam on the brakes again (sending millions of Americans out of work just when they feel the taste of promise)
Seems a policy of little utility.
Would the Fed's Directors raise interest rates if they risked throwing themselves out of work?
What a novel concept -- "individual accountability..."


The U.S. Senate's Health Non-Care Plan

© 1995 by The Great American Publishing Society

Health Care swept in like the wolf on the fold
Until it ran smack into Senator Dole.
Ol' Bob swept back with an old set of tactics:
Call those would shake up the system "fanatics"--
--for inventing a "crisis" where there's merely a "problem"...
...and accusing Big Health Care of trying to rob them.

While Big Health Care Companies (whom Hillary had shaking
So badly that in 1995 alone they spent over twenty-six million dollars to tell us how little money they're actually making)
And that's because, they tell us, they plow nearly all of their profits back into discovering new medical miracles–
Like which restaurants doctors like to be taken out to... ,And how to justify all those six-figure incomes..., And which HMO's make their Board members least hysterical...

Whereas the President says he will save us big money by letting Big Government make choices for us--
(Of course, if you've noticed how the Cable TV Re-regulation Act "reduced" your cable TV bill, you may wonder what the chance for the success of that is)--
But the President's Plan will, at least, ensure minimum coverage for all Americans,
Which takes us back to the lack of a problem – or crisis – according to the former Senator from Kansas:

So if Bob Dole (or any Congressman) thinks there's no health care problem,
Let's have him put his money where his House is,
And sponsor a Bill that would abolish his own Congressional Health Package (the one that you and I and taxpayers who can't afford their own health coverage pay for);
Now, witness the hysteria among our elected officials which that prospect arouses:

Now... even if Congressional Health Care benefits disappeared for just six, short months -- during which time our Elected Elite would have to pay for health coverage for themselves and their spouses,
Well, then let's see what kind of crisis Congress espouses...

And to make this Congressional Health Crisis Simulation even more realistic, Senators should also have to provide Health Care Coverage for their staffs (like any small businessperson...
Or else call them "part-timers" and not cover them at all, which would show where each representative's heart is, although abandoning their staffs... for better or for worsen).

And that Bill should stipulate that
(a) each Senator would have to make all the calls to locate replacement coverage him/herself (no staff member to do the frustrating leg-work for him)
And (b) s/he would have to pay for all coverage out of personal funds, which means no dipping into the public till to cover the premiums,
And (c) pay for at least his/her own coverage in after-tax dollars like true businesses (we do enough to support them).

After this six months of this Introduction to the Real World of Health Care by Fire, Congressional benefits could revert to their current abnormal state; but by then at least, the lobbying field would look more fair...
And it is this commentator's supposition that suddenly there would be a Crisis in Health Care...

Then shall special-interest lobbyists flee from the justifiable wrath of our Senators like the wolf before the shepherds of the fold.
Ah, the resultant Health Care Bill should be beautiful to behold.

If, on the other hand, the Senate refuses to introduce this Bill, or refuses to pass it, we must deduce from their antics
That this Senate's only concept of a "crisis in the delivery of medical services"
Would be a strike by Washington's Mercedes-Benz mechanics.


The Dragon Wakes Tonight

© 1997 by The Great American Publishing Society

When China swept down, like the wolf from its lair,
On the dissidents massing in Tiannamin Square,
They drove tanks over people, drove CNN viewers to tears,
And set human rights back at least 50 years.

Then President Bush moved quickly to action:
He made grumbling noises! Shook his forefinger at them!
And, when pushed by the press, went so far as to holler,
"We want human rights 'most as much as your dollars."

Then President Clinton brought in a new face,
And informed Chinese leaders: "Human rights moves to first place."
Eastern leaders gathered solemnly around him to listen,
Then dismissed the concept as a quaint -- but solely Western -- supposition.

Ah! how we felt angered; All Americans felt moved;
But their charge was a lie, as was soundly disproved
When our Captains of Industry rose to the call
And proved (by convincing Bill Clinton to continue trade at all costs) that concern for human rights is no Western tradition, after all.


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